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Podcast 92: Reforming Adoption And Foster Care, An Interview With Drew And Emily Hale

[0:00] Music.
[0:07] This is the practice of the practice podcast with joe santa session number ninety two.
[0:13] Music.
[0:26] To send out your post thank you so much for letting me to tears and rain today.
Secession ninety two can you believe are approaching the hundred mark.
I can’t wait for the hundred mark i have a very special guests set up for yeah at the hundred mark so that’s gonna be just like he weeks away from now.
So what.
Crazy week it has ben so since i recorded last podcast the how to become a consultant podcast has gone live,
we had over a thousand downloads in that first week of the podcasts of you listen to that.
Thank you so much you can head over to become a consultant today dot com i’m using pat flynn’s smart pat podcast player right there.
And it is just so easy to listen to the podcast right there it’s a five day week podcast.
Every single work day goes live at six thirty am and i interview that same person for forty zero we talk about how to grow specialty had a great audience have going income and then thursdays asking whatever i want.
And on fridays it with no questions and say even if you just love the practice and practice podcast and you want extra content.
All of the stuff you and if you don’t think you’re gonna be a consultant is going to apply at your private practice it’s just basic small business principles and so.
The ten thousand of you that listen every month to this podcast.
Please go over to become a consultant today dot com and i’m telling you you are gonna just love what you hear because these people have huge audiences like pat flynn that has like three hundred thousand twitter followers.
[2:03] He made like two hundred grand last month it’s ready to talk to for four days in a row.
Chris doctor who lives in the philippines runs a virtual assistant firm john lee dumas his is going live this week that i’m,
courting and this goes library interviewing keeps act my brother where he’s gonna talk all the branding and all flies.
So much to private practice and you definitely check it out again that’s become a consultant today dot com also if you have practice to practice you’ll see podcast at the top and you’ll see that you can go to either one of them that way.
That’s super exciting it live in a few snafu z that’s just part of like outsourcing things like my podcast editor this working with me on the become a consultant podcast,
what kind of figure are flow but i think we got it down i had recorded.
I think the eight weeks of content before it went live so that we could really like it down it over twenty weeks weeks of interviews re record it so that,
when it goes live it’s just like boom i can focus now and recording doing interviews but instead of just telling people about it and giving with.
So if you are awesome some other things that happen this week my monthly income report for june went live so if you go to practice the practice that com you’ll see heart finally broke the twenty thousand dollars in a month.
I can’t believe it it’s there so many people that i have to think for helping me break at twenty thousand dollars in one month gold that is set for myself i honestly didn’t think you’d have until the end of the year.
[3:35] Kelly marie and from the me and all that helped the most awesome conference if you haven’t checked out their boot camp this practice of the practice that come ford slash boot camp.
No julie haines has been a big help all the gas and you the listener and your clicking an affiliate links your hiring me for consulting you telling people about the work it’s just.
Unreal to see what your doing.
Our sponsors we think of all the sponsors that we have for the podcast the have been helping out by just doing awesome work,
yo i sponsor this week is brighter vision,
operator vision if you haven’t checked out they make beautiful websites that don’t look like the nineteen nineties they look like two thousand fifteen and beyond,
only fifteen bucks a month and if you go to brighter vision that come ford slash jo you get ten know ye first month free yeah perry’s giving your crazy deal.
So checked out i think only thirty people are gonna get that deal so we’re paying for it and close their.
But check it out as well so i sponsor so many people to help us get to twenty thousand dollars in one month.
Mark i just think about early on when i get thirty grand for a year of work and.
Man this is just crazy of a life changing it’s allowed me to do so many different things going to read for you before we dive into our interview,
i want to read to you just a couple reviews if you’re wondering how to do a review also put this walk through in the show notes which are gonna be practice of the practice that come ford slash session ninety two.
[5:12] We’re just gonna does google practice and the practice podcast itunes have a link in the show notes as well.
Then you’re click on view in itunes and so if you have itunes installed on your computer a pop up if not the nude pic need to install it.
Can launch applications you’re probably gonna pop up that allows you to launch this external pocket application.
The cooking readings and review and then write a review we have had so many people me just in july we had c two three four.
Five five reviews and just awesome awesome stuff we just renewed that three most recent reviews for the first one.
The title is awesome podcast five stars by the number.
And zero eighty three this person wrote most people.
Been you watch netflix but since stumbling upon this podcast.
I’ve been jules and i’m i’ve been shirtless and try to hear every episode i love your positivity joe and you go you are truly an inspiration to other therapists out there like myself were launching private practices.
And so grateful for all the great content you’re putting out into the world thank you so cool enough agree podcast anyone in private practice five stars by.
Half and love and just created an authentic podcast hope other counselors achieve what he’s achieved i listen to everyone that comes up in the,
did and now i’m listening to is was it because i do not want to miss any info too much good content to miss out thank you.
[6:45] Michelle think michelle and then it relevant and inspiring five stars in the mets are in the five stars but the most recent ones are.
Shows topics and information provided relevant are provided relevant and engaging can listen to podcasts almost immediately implement his.
With genuine passion helping other professionals succeed and now it’s just about the money it’s asking a cup of things all the work you do go.
So cool i mean i just i would love to just have you guys all come hangout like anyone would be cd so fun to hang on traverse city and just like get together sometime and just telling me all these people that are around the world.
Anyway it’s not gonna happen but.
It’s awesome to just take with you guys on line and all that you’re doing so i get e-mails every single day about people that are growing a private practice that they are thriving that they’re struggling.
Just like amazing to just see.
So what other thing i’mma tell you about also me things i launch this this page that outlines the seven reasons that a third a third of private practices.
Feeling the first two years so that’s this to a third of them fail the first two years and i think the actually,
we probably see a lot and we don’t hear about a lot more failures than that so i wrote this article about the seven.
[8:15] That they fail and some things that are so easy to implement me they’re just simple simple simple things on to almost guarantee and ensure success for you,
in your first two years of private practice jerseys coming failures i see over and over and over and over i mean just things that you’re.
I shake my head sometimes but i would on the exact same thing if i hadn’t taken the time to learn about how to run a private practice and.
When you check the link to for insurance as well start writing these things down family things to.
Go get in the show me something that i said was give me a shot of it’s not there to stop me an email cuz loops.
Me too today we have family andrew hale i’ve known them they been around town and chamber see.
Only works for a local foster care agency and she’s just been a great supporter of mental illness counseling drew is a local musician and my wife actually played violin with him.
And just the nicest couple in the world i mean they’re just such.
Those kind of people that you can just tell in their spirit they wanna make the world better than they found it.
Like you that the world is just there’s things going wrong in the world and they can just sit by and say oh that’s that’s what happened the world going to crap.
No they’re like we’re gonna take some action and we’re gonna change the world one family at a time and so.
I was at tax mental illness counting with the sponsor tax this year here in traverse city.
And drew give a tax talk and i was like i’m kind of emotional guy nothing cry everything but.
[9:54] Boy i drew drews tax talk was the only one i teared up for and it was because like homie like kids in foster care that are getting adopted and like their story.
It just it just is heart wrenching and i’ve done counseling with kids in foster care and you’ll you off.
I get a lot of people to interview that have been through foster care and my heart is still with those kids cuz just the stats are stacked against in regards to college in regards to.
Homelessness and just mean it’s tough and.
Emily and drew are trying to make a difference in the world a foster care and in the world of adoption and they just tell their story today and they talk about.
What she counselors know what what should case managers know and i don’t wanna reveal too much.
But it’s amazing it’s just so mean so we stepped out can of during our lunch hour when the new just finished eating that.
So we’re in the museum we screwed over the side of co here have talking in the back office with your live a tax.
Aug such great content so without any further ado i give you emily and drew hail.
Would you and emily welcome to the practice the practice podcast how you doing today okay are you i’m doing great like you just spoke your tax and it was awesome how was literally like crying and like holding back to.
Was such an impactful talk and maybe.
Start with a little bit about your story now i love your second the story you just told me let’s start there and then we can go from there.
[11:30] It’s one of my main passions now but it wasn’t always on that really kinda started with emily when we met.
It was our second date when she informed me that is foster care and adoption was something i was interested in that we need to go out again.
And i definitely want to go out with her again so we we talked about the possibilities and decided that it was something he wanted to do meeting through i have done a two year internship in birmingham alabama working with inner city kids outbreaks and.
Just no apparent during work how many kids are out there.
Properly and water on being raised by grandmothers or your siblings and so it was just the first time i’m really hoping which neither one.
Never did she back and its at for the whole vision for foster care.
[12:21] What’s the new guys decide to get licensed what happens after that we got married then years and we share everything numbers.
So we on the tips about a year to get licenses because we really wanted to think things through make sure that our home our family and our system is already.
Care for children and actually let me get there a couple who is with a woman now.
I think the future use only getting started she really helped us and talk to us to the process.
Finalize our license on january two thousand thirteen and it was less than two months later march first we gotta call from hunter and the mets game for the first time in the bethany parking lot at five pm.
Absolutely incredible and mind blowing and life changing and how do you how do you prepare for a baby to come in your life in two hours gonna call three o’clock in the afternoon and by five o’clock we had.
Literally packing the car headed straight.
Can’t forget my gas what most of us at forty weeks to plan hear the end lol yet you hours no preparing plan to make matters worse it repaired or home are license was your six year old is kind of a dream.
Determine and a friend bethany with lots of friends and they all told us we never get babies so we had our home ready for.
[13:51] Three year old kind of three schooler and soul baby was no where on our radar so they call this country will surely one of them course will take the placement figure it out later and then.
You at this point community really seems like i think it was on the phone.
We have for paul is good with babies who knows what they need who knows.
Who should i get it wasn’t because of what what was that thing able to gosh baby right really with the meaning.
That night while he was playing the game we had no less than ten people that showed up and remember that maggie he admitted that its like she went through and found it right away unlike.
My birthday and it was march and cold and also just really relying on the community to hear it.
Him on it every where so when i go to the gate we have a month old do everything it takes just get out of the house and then thinking about you had none of that.
Yeah so so then what happens like really i think the process started with him and it really.
It started well with his bio mom being in your parenting visits in and take care of resources.
[15:10] She just kinds dot do that kind of stuff showing up to twenty times correctly and eventually bite my about june she was completely out of his life from march until june.
Directions to the office lights to that point really began wrestling with okay what is going to happen what’s the future look like this child as family guy.
Kinda cannot works to a long feed mine paternity test yet okay so once.
My god will open while once that happened it was like wait a minute there’s this tv and there’s the family and i think that’s where our situation became very nice in that a lot of.
Foster families when i open lease start to come forward your instinct is to pull back child cater bar for youtube.
Child we’re in park east was just kind of a okay this is only in what world is.
Too many people loving a child that the right so we were very open to visiting time frame in its hands.
That’s the only song of theirs i had initially been this is my blood relative.
[16:23] Turn into i’m fifty six yrs old i wanna be with him if you hear what the part of the.
[16:32] I mean you are so i don’t want to get too attached to the hunter cuz he might use in your garden because i do like that thing that changed a stupid one especially when you bury for.
[16:43] And by that point his mom file one with the pictures it like i realized that we either it.
Are you gonna miss even warning that word because there is no one else yeah it really hard and we people staley family.
Do that you’re gonna or he’s gonna be confused.
We you know i ask for a particular what do i do because he needs to know what that word mean that there’s no one out and she told me.
[17:12] You could get hurt but it’s what’s best for him to get.
Why you know but it like it not with someone yesterday on justin he.
[17:25] Where she she found out at the end with her child with one that insecurity and she delivered the and it was her friend.
And so you look exactly what twenty one and child there with his skin there’s risk involved in the news for lasagna.
[17:44] People get ready to yeah you know i think the rest are there other foster care or yet biological children were just the only thing to.
Is your most often from people about why they don’t fosters that they are afraid to attach and lovechild and then and losing child.
But like em said when you love someone there’s always risk attached and loving these kids is worth the risk because the alternative is.
I’m in the dark yeah they have got the status is with like the percent of homeless.
Three astronauts stack so six months later after the hunter you guys get another call while things are just started to slow down we bought a house number.
Oh you know summer has been crazy with moving and then.
[18:35] Settle in houston we’re finally getting but we’re getting settled in and we get the call that says can you take placement.
When the boy and we initially thought no on.
In the meantime because i did not remove those things from here is it to do some more work with their bio mom.
How they stay in their own home for them on and then all of the month later in october and that we do need to remove the east when you are still the only when grand river county license for babies.
[19:10] And why is that when it was.
It wasn’t out of obligation by any means but we really felt that this was signed up for the really need to see if if we don’t step up who’s going.
So we decide to take place for the twins and i was in the best decisions we’ve ever made i thought our family really was come.
[19:31] No point community tv to play on it when i leave the twenty something ministry and that.
Actually both girls night at my house with all these girls for me to twenty to twenty five and so i sent a mass text.
I want to give the babies and helping me make dinner and and they with me they showed up and.
True again how to get the light seems to be a pattern and though i can show do you have any kids on his ipad so to tear down our.
Real and the girls showed up with food and travel babies and we made it work and then.
Progressively more community to make it work i think that’s really the moral of the story is.
[20:22] You create and that’s really that’s really what foster cares about is creepy create a community of your own.
[20:33] Because it is frustrating will never worked parenting will never work loving people will never worked.
[20:39] It’s always gonna be community that’s what we were created you were created to live in community and i believe that’s really how you been able to.
[20:48] It brings us to the question to orange.
And it’s like yeah we were afraid of the worst happens back from you and those boys have gone back biological families that were not.
To care for them and we have been heartbroken community still right and the wind picked up and the together and we wouldn’t start all over now during a ted talk.
You talked about the child’s parents talk little bit more about and what you see.
Yeah i agree with me i think that the mindset of adoption and foster care much of the time is that solution for people who don’t have kids and can’t have their own kids for.
So whatever reason are unable to biologically children and our heart was just that you know.
[21:36] There are so many kids in the system that need families and we talked about this the statistics for kids growing up in age.
Are incredible so we just we kinda took it upon ourselves to try to help people change the mindset that adoption is simply for people who already have their own.
That’s a solution for kids who don’t have parents and i think it can be a myriad of.
Can be people that are that have grown children that have moved out of their house and also that their child is for a little while.
[22:05] They’re still kids and then you know it could be people are in their early twenties who have.
Foster or adopted themselves you just want to give back it could be people that simply just have the heart to love the child it it looks.
[22:21] Basically it could be anybody and i think anybody as long as your willing to let the child can foster.
[22:29] So a lot of listeners are counselors which you councilors know there were three people that are fostering adopting kids about that would you observe that you think how solution.
I think encouraging people to seek counseling is probably one of the most important things that they could do justice looking for those signs of people that are kind of the.
Because i think when you jump in this process in your forced not forcing it was a choice but when you piper thrown into this whirlwind of okay now we have a baby no lights.
[23:01] You’re kind that you can start to spiral and work on things and almost makes you clam up and stick to stick to yourself and maybe to a couple other people and i think we’re looking for the signs.
[23:14] That’s use this for me and now i have a lot to talk about new problem with counseling i have a counselor and it’s been amazingly helpful through this process but i’ve watched people who are adopting who are going to foster care.
Begin to kind of retreat back into themselves and and not reach out because they’re just exhausted so the kind of within themselves and everything.
And how would just encourage counselors to not let people not talk to encourage conversation ask lots of questions.
And obviously counseling is is about missing you much much of the time and not just for that pops up for the appeal right now with fuse with between bio mom three mentioned in its ted talk that we got a phone call one random night.
Mom said you never leave my rights and we were floored because she was on track to get them on board for biggest downfall she was willing to check up all the boxes and do everything the answer to do.
The culture of account for the protection she’s window and in the end that was for.
Physically and mentally prepared take them back but emotionally she does didn’t do the work of one i’m not sure i’m not sure that.
She wants to eat some level but i think part of are new that this was passing i think there’s that does that danger.
Tried getting in the way i have to do this and what people think lesson you have to question i would say.
[24:40] Whether that’s a great looking what’s best italian.
Can we become part live score i’ll family looking at sites for allowing springs to have a relationship after tablet.
[24:54] The more we talk about this.
So as your boys develop i mean every development of these will have its own unique challenges being adopted but we got.
How to handle that maybe having your cycle handle that afterward pass this up from the very beginning i think he made the decision that we were gonna.
How effective are adopted not that he just referring to he’s old enough now he.
Garbage the government should you know something that funny joke because.
University of the culture of adopted children that we have found ourselves just naturally we’re friends another couple that adopted and we have very good friends.
The children are biological and she jokes that her kids are going to struggle the reading for the day that rosie like.
What is it like all my pregnant so i’m very grateful for that he counted actually that there is no shortage.
Yeah and i met with an adult woman yesterday was adopted and she through our conversation you know that.
I just bought that really helped me growing up now she’s in her late twenties now and to think i don’t.
What’s gonna be on so yeah there’s a lot of resources out there for one to talk to your kids it just making it a natural color of your mercy.
Early on the twenty bro you know you watch the movies and there’s all these movies and tv shows the.
[26:24] Adult children finding out most powerful way better parent than lying to them all their lives but not gonna be the only person resources that have been.
Really helpful tuesday counselors can recommend the have line.
Can you think of anything else right the top of my think of any i can put on the show answer yes there maybe things in the show netflix that are listening right now that we don’t mention here.
I would just say that i think for us the decision to make sure they are kids never feel like adoptions shane.
What’s most important to us so i plan to continue to talk to him about what that means what it means to us and what it means for them as well as we are passionate about.
[27:04] My family being part of their lives and figuring out how to.
Appropriate family into the life because he said before i don’t think it could ever have to many kids no lights or too many people in the last.
I think the average two of as your talking to them like with carb with it’s important is that we teach them that you were adopted because of something.
They are of the are you know when it will be in every paper and also recognizing yes absolutely like.
[27:37] Search are waiting which is the direction they think it was a very celebratory.
It was also wondering processes that was the day that they are people is their biological family.
Ever been so we won’t recognize it is classified as.
Looking to the happy family because we do but there’s also other side to it going to deal with all of the one question i always and interviews with his every counselor in america were listening right now what would you want.
[28:10] No pressure i would say to encourage people that it’s okay to not be okay.
Because in in the midst this process you can help if you let yourself feel what button should be feeling you’re gonna not be okay yeah how can you look at it.
From their family anyone want any stage of their life and be okay with that right you don’t get a foster parent and unless.
When i say that its okay to not be okay and that people need to know that they don’t have to have all together um weather that’s file parent.
And also maybe something for the counselor secure for them to share with.
The more the people that are in counseling talk about their experiences and counseling the more we destroy the stigma that going to count.
For the word you’re not a good mom because your seeking counseling we’re not a good dad not strong enough you need to talk to me about it.
I forgot to add the more we talk about foster care the more address that is top on you because there’s someone to order right if you don’t talk to people that have been.
Getting counseling sharing the facts about something from them people don’t know what that was like for me my wife and i are consumers there is.
There’s hardly it will have the kids in the just like come up where you can use bites over means.
Everything is so what should i do yeah business now i would say we.
[29:49] Romans fourteen out of you without coach and in the same way you can expect a marriage to be healthy without.
Okay sure someone to this couple got this that there.
[30:02] Well driven me thank you so much for all your doing not continue to show the support messages think so much for doing the ted talks to.
[30:09] Music.
[30:28] No you e-mails from you guys and so often it’s just so incredible to hear how i can help you more.
If you have an email me i would love to hear from you whether that’s an email my email says joe at practice of the practice com.
I reply to every single female that comes in usually within a day or two so if i don’t get to within a day or two that’s not the norm.
I know like ten thousand of your can email me would you be awesome we should be really awesome for you if there’s questions you have you can always say hey you can address this question on the podcast if you do the in an email.
I may just read it and let me know if i can use your name or practicing i be happy to give you a shout out but some people also may not want their names on said publicly and i can do that without your permission.
Also another way is to leave me a voicemail just go to speak pipe dot com for slash practice the practice,
i’m you may have noticed the past that some people leave a message at the feet and say your name and your practice so that people can hear about the work you’re doing how it’s great way to get some free promotion also.
So
I’ll see what we talk about we talked about brighter vision dot com for slash joe brighter vision does amazing websites check them out if your looking at upgrading your website if you’re looking at just enhancing your website,
i was just talking consulting client went through them and they got the website up in three days like it was they went from a really ugly website to really awesome website in three days it was on real site what,
that’s insane that’s just plain for.
[32:01] And then also if you want more content for me i’m telling you go to the become a consultant today dot com and check out the how to become a consultant podcast you can also just if you’re in itunes subscribe to an itunes says can’t your podcast.
App and search for how to become a consultant will be the first one that pops up.
Thanks so much for letting me into yours and into your brain next week i have a very special guest that is trying to change the entire culture of education,
in kenya and i can’t wait for you to hear next week all that she has to say it’s just it’s going to be an incredible interview,
i’ve got a couple more interviews coming up after that they’re just gonna be so much value for you people that have litterally.
Change their life through finding the work they love and change their entire family path and it’s just it’s gonna be me good month coming up here for august so thanks so much for letting me in two years.
Into your brain again the show no it’s a practice of the practice dot com forward slash session in ninety two.
Yeah great great week cf.
[33:07] Music.
[33:22] Thanks for the balance is sexy and feel like music in this podcast.
What is the thirty fifth mission that’s it covered up with the understanding that the host publisher will get surrenders legal accounting clinic or other professional information you need special just fine went parks.
[33:39] Music.