Can you find support in unexpected places? How can you get your life back after abuse and manipulation? What can you do for yourself to create and enjoy a good and healthy life?
In the seventh podcast episode of the How I Got Through It series, Joe Sanok speaks about coping with the lies of a married man and an unexpected adoption with Valarie Harris.
In this Podcast:
- Finding support in surprising places
- Getting her life back
- Creating a good life
- Valarie’s advice to her past self
Finding support in surprising places
Valarie had been lied to by a man that she did not know was married. She subsequently had a relationship with him but suffered abuse. Upon finding out that he was married, she felt heartbroken at the idea that she may have been a “homewrecker”.
The moment that Valarie was talking with the attorney to track this man down, his wife was standing right there, and reached out to Valarie with compassion.
She knew about me and had been trying to get in touch with me … I went to her home that day in complete tears and distress, and she just said, “Oh no honey, this is not your fault. You were a victim.” (Valarie Harris)
This woman became Valarie’s first anchor of support in the trauma that she had faced.
There were a lot of tears on both sides … of women connecting [with] women and sharing about the woundedness of somebody who was sick and broken. (Valarie Harris)
Getting her life back
Valarie’s unexpected pregnancy and giving her daughter up for adoption had a big impact on her.
I thought, “What am I doing to do? I have to have something in my life besides my other child, to really start making movement … I’m just going to go back to where I started”. (Valarie Harris)
She moved back to her old home and reenrolled in school and kept telling herself that she would just focus on doing the next right thing.
Valarie practiced journaling and researched adoption and everything that it entailed to help her process the change.
Creating a good life
I just started trying to show up for myself and others in the ways that I wanted somebody to show up for me. (Valarie Harris)
At every point in time when something difficult happens, Valarie asks herself, “What is important at this moment?”
In parenting and in making life decisions, Valarie tries to decide based on what truly matters, what is genuinely important for her, and what she is passionate about.
Valarie’s advice to her past self
You do not have to sit in shame, because you are badass, and you can celebrate that.
Useful Links mentioned in this episode:
- Visit Trauma & Therapy Center and connect with them on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
- Learn more and join Noble for free at www.noble.health/Joe
- Email Joe at email@example.com if you have insights and ideas to share!
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Meet Joe Sanok
Joe Sanok helps counselors to create thriving practices that are the envy of other counselors. He has helped counselors to grow their businesses by 50-500% and is proud of all the private practice owners that are growing their income, influence, and impact on the world. Click here to explore consulting with Joe.
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