Today we’re talking about Sex Therapy with Stefani Threadgill. How she became a sex therapist, her process when it comes to meeting new clients, as well as what issues she deals with the most.
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In This Podcast:
- Online courses presented by Esther Perel, Terry Real, Marty Klein
- Online case consultation by David Schnarch
- Modern Institutes for Sex Therapy Training
- The American Association of Sexuality Educators
- Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) certification
- Southwest Sexual Health Alliance
- Internet-Highway – great company to outsource SEO to
- How to locate an AASECT certified therapist: https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory
Sex Therapy Books
- Mating In Captivity, Esther Perel
- She Comes First and Passionista, Ian Kerner
- Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy, Fifth Edition
- The Guide to Getting It On, Paul Joannides
- How Can I Get Through to You, Terry Real
Visit Stefani’s Website here. To claim your free 15 minute consultation, email Stefani on email@example.com.
Meet Stefani Threadgill
I am a sex therapist and sexologist specializing in relational and sexual concerns for couples and individuals. My areas of expertise include couples therapy, power dynamics in relationships, infidelity, sexual desire, healthy sexual functioning, performance anxiety, and sexual narcissism. My therapeutic approach integrates sex therapy and psychotherapy utilizing various theoretical models. Other areas of specialization include male sexuality, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and out of control sexual behavior, including chronic or compulsive infidelity, sex, porn, and masturbation practices. I offer in-person, phone, and Skype therapy sessions in 60-120 minute durations as well as 3-hour couples therapy intensives.
Meet Joe Sanok
Joe Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC is one of the world’s leading private practice consultants. He is the owner of the Traverse City counseling practice, Mental Wellness Counseling. Joe helps counselors to start private practices and grow them.
Pop 163 | Sex Therapy With Stefani Threadgill[0:00] Music. [0:24] Laying afternoon evening middle of the night whatever time of day you’re listening i’m so glad your turning and practice of the practice podcast i’m joe sanok radio center to building in beautiful downtown traverse city.
Hope you are just rocking it out in private practice with your planning starting or growing a practice this is the place for you. [0:45] Well first i’m gonna see if you have small children around i would listen to this podcast at a different time just this one,
this is your first listing of usually at the case but we’re gonna be talking about i’m gonna give a little pause for you deposit if you have little kids.
And or just the adults now were kids that the parents don’t mind hearing so we’re gonna be talking all about sex therapy today and so there may be things that you don’t wanna explain to your kids quite yet so that’s why,
i want to make sure that you heard that when i can go to dip into it but it just might be some questions that you not just ready to talk about.
So today we have stefani threadgill on the show and we can talk a little bit about her practice and marketing her six there be practice.
But i am so thrilled brighter vision is back as a sponsor they’re never really gone we just had other sponsors and other things that we are doing that the are incredible at making websites i am amazed at how quickly,
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And yeah it’s super awesome have that can sponsor the podcast well without any further ado let’s start this interview with stefanie.
Threadgill. [2:47] Music. [2:52] Today on the practice of the practice podcast we have stefani threadgill who is a sex therapist she has the sextherapyinstitute.com,
she specializes in a variety of different concerns for couples and individuals should areas of expertise in regards to couple their couples therapy,
howard and mx relationships infidelity sexual desire.
Healthy sexual functioning performance anxiety and sexual narcissism stefani welcome to the practice of the practice podcast.
Thank you for having me yeah i’m really glad that you’re here is interesting how i first you can a first my radar was on facebook one day and you posted a profile picture and asked for feedback and a group that we’re both a part of.
And i was amazed at how many people were just really kind of vicious toward you with this and you answered it with such grace i was,
i’d ideally go take a breath and go for a walk if people treated me that way on-line all in one thread so,
maybe this is start with you but you had this picture tell me a little bit about. [3:57] What happened with when people start responding how you handled it with such grace.
Okay so i think being a sex therapist and in dallas texas and you get some thick skin red and i’m,
yeah you know i really want an honest feedback and so i felt bad if i was gonna put myself out there and ask for the feedback and i would i would have to,
take it as constructive criticism am and everybody has an opinion and.
Can i deduct and i actually ended up not working with you as well as,
many other there so it actually turned out to be a great and outcome in the end but she is hard to hear,
negative feedback and especially so much of it i was really surprised that there were that many people had such strong opinions about it but yeah and.
I always feel like if i had a picture of me city so the picture basically your city and what i’m guessing is your therapy couch and yet you have a dress on and you can the part of your legs but i feel like,
the thing to criticism towards you as a woman was kinda shocking if i have that same picture myself sitting on the couch for some reason i don’t think i would got such harsh criticism.
Right and i don’t think so either and i guess what i did find was interesting is that it was mostly women,
no baby feedback initially until someone in the thread at some point said you know,
am hey man hit me any feedback here and then and several women were asking their partners and but i didn’t think that was at in it i noticed that i thought was interesting. [5:35] Yep so what’s gonna reverse and how did you decide to go into sex therapy and maybe like why do you feel like that’s important field for counselors to be aware of and for people to get helping.
I’m i gonna do six thirty because i was am i was reading.
The books that i figured i would probably be reading in school so i went back and got my masters my initial and my bachelors is in business in marketing,
and so i went and went back to school after twelve years and my masters in counseling and,
i had no other program i want to go here division or speak at my university which is southern methodist university and found out that they have the program and i just knew is a good fit so i joined a sect and,
and when you from day one knowing i wanted to be a sex therapist and.
I think my drive is that there’s a few i think there may be six a six or five therapists in the dfw area and.
So I found a large need for it and wanted to be a resource for people found that.
Can i find that a lot of the couples that i see is specifically have seen several therapists before me and follow.
What they wanted more attention to their sex life and sex specific concerns and issues in relationships it will let start with me anyway,
can a couples or what the clients are dealing with and then maybe we can talk a little bit about counselors and what they should know about. [7:11] So tell me what are some of the kinda big concerns that people are gonna coming to you over in your six thirty practice.
I would say bad shit of the couples sexless marriages is a common issue. [7:27] Oh and or desire discrepancies of you well sex addiction and that individuals it’s largely,
sexual functioning most of my inquiries are for males and like i specialize with erectile dysfunction premature ejaculation and a lot. [7:48] So with what couples what are some of the like i just known honey anything about the field of actually being a certified sex therapist i know that in couples counseling comes up but like what would a couple.
Have to start identifying to work on some of those issues and they’re in their relationship. [8:06] In terms of trying to find located their pastor in terms of area in regards to just the treatment for if they’re looking for specific helping specific areas,
i like would be like the assessment you go through what would be the client experience okay and so is my.
I guess my process is that I always schedule a ninety-minute initial intake session with each person that I see so if I were to see a couple I would see each person individually we go over,
you know medical history sexual history relationship history family history and build rapport,
and then i would meet with them as a couple the following week. [8:50] Okay so it starts with the individual person you meet with each of them and me as a couple next right and the sessions are confidential i don’t have no secrets policy the and,
there’s i to get the perspective of each of each person in the relationship what they.
Perceive as the presenting concerned because often there different. [9:13] Yes so i think a lot of counselors there are a couple of surface the take it no secret approach bright tell me more about that decision.
Well for me i feel like it’s not i’m not the one that has to be on the receiving end of the consequences for that secret for instance in different cultures and infidelity,
i am the consequences different then it might be in another area.
Sometimes i can even impact people safety so i have for me. [9:47] I don’t believe in exposing cigarette i believe that everybody has a right to privacy.
And each person in the relationship and.
I think something’s other partner doesn’t need to know for instance it am i wouldn’t find it very helpful for someone in a couple to say well i no longer attracted to my partner.
And some of those can be very hot and the more damaging yeah.
So when i come loose and one of the leading things that couples come to four is a canon difference in desire or sexless marriages with like your typical couple,
what would the kind of process be over three months or six months or whatever period of time you typically work with a couple and so.
We are at.
I think six thirty you know it’s an integrated therapy there so many different things that go into desire from power dynamics to hormonal changes to and. [10:50] Relationship. [10:52] Issues so also family of origin what messages 1 has received about sex so it’s pulling apart all of those pieces,
and looking at those and i talk to them a lot about and i checked my individuals a lot about this to as well and is using,
and desire words vs love words because i desire would be to one.
To live would be to have an off and we move from the initial stages of meeting someone in seducing them and flirting with them to when i have my partner and i no longer.
Me to continue to do that but we often forget there are other people that are more than willing to do that for her partner,
elsewhere so and just the flirting or what not and so that leaves a whole relationship i feel like it needs a relationship honorable if you don’t continue to. [11:43] Set seduce and flirt,
sure so you said desire words vs that love words yet rate for examples of like desire where’s vs love words. [11:55] One that comes to mind would be bad vs good so,
i desire word with the bad like you’re so bad your so bad,
now you’re not a right vs alive word with your such a good boyfriend has been good wife and partner that was so nice of you that was so sweet of you right and they just have different connotations.
Add me like words you would use like dryer courting period for you to land on the relationship in a long-term relations,
yes you talk to somebody that you just met your flirting with.
And vs someone you’ve been married to for ten years because often what i find a bitch then they there’s a point where it becomes awkward for the couples to talk to each other that way. [12:44] Sure seven like had a couple start to work through that and so,
usually i ask them to identify some of the language or a in a surprise always she shares a quote that,
the one that sex is a language it’s such as a place you go rate this,
and so in that spirit is having them identify some of those words having them,
speaking to start flirting again since it okay states and can.
There are a lot of different and have some yeah i’m more than experiential therapy this i have some activities that i do with them and,
in terms of how they can communicate flirting and desire and,
they’re preferences sure so for therapists that.
I working with couples like what should they know because you’re trained in this year of it with your tongue before we started that florida is the only state that.
That has a certified sex therapist as like a licensure,
okay like maybe talk little bit about what the average counselor should know when they should refer like although certain things and sure well for me at all kinda into this and in a backward way and,
i am my training is in narrative and a therapy and license professional counseling.
I’m qualified and am a licensed chemical dependency counselor as well i’m koala. [14:18] Hi to deal with addiction i’m qualified and have been trained to do with your family therapy or generalized anxiety or depression but i downs i refer out usually,
because i keep my therapy very specific to sexual concerns in relationships and so.
I would answer that by saying is a couple came in and sex with their presenting concern and the relationship pieces part of it but sex is also part of it as well and i would.
I would encourage counselors and therapists to look at their training and feel you know what they would assassins outside of their scope. [15:01] Okay.
So what are the kind of leading ways that someone can get certified or did they can get additional trainings if they’re interested in adding it to their practice. [15:12] But the question is there some in there so much out there and,
exactly is the professional association and that offers like the national certified check their pee certification and,
it’s a texts and you have to have three years of clinical practice so it’s a one year process to get your three years,
there’s also in the state of florida there’s certification programs like i want to the modern institutes and that’s why i got my certification i’m not,
process of getting my sex certification but it just in terms of education there’s the sexual southwest sexual health alliance they do training there for training so.
There is no davidson are shoppers consultation supervision online after trial has,
course is freaking going to fire and said so there’s a lot i’m more than willing to provide resources for anyone who is interested in taking some training stuff,
yeah input all those in the show notes this is stefani you wanna email those to me i can put in the sheriff’s it’ll be easier for people to access some of those share national spelling some of these acronyms yeah yes or no,
awesome tell me a bit about marketing yourself as a sex therapist because you said you know you down the dallas area and even just seeing what we started with your picture.
What are things that are important to consider in regards to marketing yourself as a sex therapist. [16:47] Well aren’t you going back to the picture that that’s my second picture so my first picture even got more controversy so I think that’s where I was really surprised,
so i think it’s all about presentation and.
Good bye i don’t i’m very careful about what i wear and honestly and but you know if i have a lot of feedback of oh you know women are gonna wanna come to your office and i was one some of the criticism that was,
in the thread but i have not found that to be the case and,
what did people have the perception you think i’m i don’t know i think maybe because,
i’m young i’m young their custom and maybe they felt like the wife of a partner wouldn’t feel comfortable coming to a woman i don’t know and there are male sex therapist so,
you know that i have had as an issue once or twice but it’s not doing anything where i felt like i had a really have a lot of referrals out. [17:52] Sure so other than the picture tell me more about your website that process because it seems like you’ve been very intentional in the wording used to copy you use like there clean class of the website what were things you considered with that.
So when things to consider was. [18:12] What i’m i am re branding my marketing as we speak because the with the word the sex there p,
the word sex being in my title of my business I don’t have a lot of social present social media presents there’s not a lot of liking or sharing you know maybe my mom your mom’s a big fan of the sex,
i don’t get a traffic jam in terms of social media because of that so i’m rebranding just using my name and. [18:42] Moving forward and out websites to lunch soon and but.
I think making sure that we’re the area that you’re and it’s you know to have more than one way to reach people so i have this experience your doc on its very sex.
They’re be driving the content i can be a little bit more bold with.
But then my new website that’s launching seventyredoak.com is is a lot more palatable so there’s work like intimacy vs,
sexual functioning right or and,
we are replacing word sex with intimacy and in and a lot of blow garbage and so you keeping both what size are you gonna totally get rid of the sixth or institute now i’m feeling better go ahead cuz i got the great you are all,
yeah i’m not go because i found bed it depends on if somebody searching for a sexual functioning issue.
Intimacy and relationships in those kind of words that are more palatable that people might feel comfortable sharing on social media that they’re not gonna be able to find me,
i am and get hoping it so i am i am keeping both know i think that’s great.
Yeah if you’re going to scrap the other one was really don’t know what this could this really focused me and it seems like you get a lot of traffic for people are googling cuz is so focused and secondary.
I was in and my two biggest generators of the prospects are from psychology today and they’re pissed rectory and co site i’ve spent. [20:21] I have a company that i work with called internet highway and they have helped me with my casio and i would say google searches has been really helpful for me,
and for internet highway how do you decide to hire company versus just like blog for a better to do it yourself,
because i know my strengths and weaknesses and so i am to be resourceful so i just decided to hire out and respect and i think that’s smart so many people try to do everything and.
You know if your just not good don’t it negative something or don’t desire to learn that,
renew my will be doing sex there because you know there’s only a handful of people they’re doing that down there so rank why do i see of you wanted us to.
Right I really did a lot of them marketing myself but had them do the nuts and bolts around it you know didn’t know about SEO but I have,
i’ve had a really good luck with that so for anyone who is a sex therapist i think that’s been.
And their wanting to increase their marketing and that would be great place to start yeah yeah,
so wanna go back to asking some of the pillars of sex there be others certain can pillars are foundational things that.
Can every sex therapist learns or is it really based on the program that you go through. [21:41] Well you’re a sex is that’s the only thing is no national certification and so they’re very specific and when.
Really a vacation hours how many six thirty hours of even turn and sick time the supervision and but for the smaller program specifically like in four to become a florist.
I’m certified sex therapist and i think it varies but i must admit i miss the sex their pizza their purpose with me and learn some of the basic,
you know masters and johnson and since it focus and stop starting this kind of techniques and.
Where in cali less of a focus on the relational piece.
Sure so she can studying those people who have done a lot of research around the practicing driving it tends to be more research focus yeah okay all.
I guess we’re.
I think people whether its clients are there other counselors is having their mind when a sex therapist is what are some of the maybe things that people.
Perceive that are accurate in regards to what happens and sex therapy or white people go into sex therapy are there any in the things that people just.
Get me wrong in terms of inquiries i often and confused with a sex surrogate.
So i have had to provide referrals for that and.
But other than when they get there really any other misconceptions what about you what would you think have you heard any misconceptions or anything like what i have a sex therapist and when i do you will. [23:23] I don’t think that’s that the necessary misconceptions i think that.
Get sex can be such an awkward topic that the guy who would go into that you are safe people there parts pretty confident in their clinical skills,
oh why i guess i have surgery cartoony hmm picture of it is vitally not accurate or just somebody that’s not turn out like this not like,
qualified and trying to but i mean you see movies and the sex service turn into a ridiculous scene and sell right the last. [23:56] Yeah i just a whole lot of nothing in that statement like if you’re the party and you tell somebody i’m a sex therapist a imagine.
Those are the interesting conversations or maybe just say i’m,
so you don’t have to have those conversations no no i think you could try telling my personality i go big so i was told that if i famous actor past i usually like i did at airports and stuff all what you,
and usually start talking about the relationship either earns issues and they’re in a relationship or.
They might asked what I see most of. [24:33] But a gentile a tendency to be about them you know if after the shock flick spayed they usually are asking advice but you know it’s.
It’s been difficult because i talk about sex all day long and so sometimes,
when you are in your own in your own world right you have to remember that other people don’t have that.
Not bad experience throw it can be really difficult for them to talk about sex or they find it really awkward that that’s my job for you,
yeah thanks leslie my mom was the school nurse and so it’s like when we start asking about like condom the things like that she be like let me go get one and show you and sorry i remember from the earliest age is just knowing where kids came from like,
first grade on to ask and she’s like well i tell you everything so imagine that you know once you can get over that taboo yea doesn’t feel as offered to talk about. [25:31] Right right stefani of every counselor in the world were listening right now what would you want to know. [25:37] I’m i would want i want answers to talk about sex talk about sex with your clients.
How many couples because i’m its such an integral part of their relationship. [25:52] Awesome oh god no keep going on and just a lot of therapists don’t want to talk about sex addiction comfortable,
often when infidelity comes up the conversation switches to the effects of the infidelity versus what was the meaning in that you know what where when did you get out of that right,
that was worst worth the risk consequence.
I’m so just getting really comfortable talking about sex with clients and then,
in finding a sex therapist in the area that you can refer,
what did i just got another question is if therapists wants religion introduction is there a book that you would recommend that a therapist can read to see if they wanted to go deeper into getting certified or and other things. [26:40] Yeah i could buy some book titles and you can we can put him in the show nuts perfect as i am i’m looking at my bookshelf right now on that tender gentle hot right this it will put those in the show notes,
answer the sextherapyinstitute.com is stefani’s website and she’s actually giving away free fifteen minute consultations.
To therapists or two couples or individuals which is so awesome thank you so much stefani with the best way for people to connect with you to get the free fifteen minute consultation.
I’m you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org but that michelle notes and you can also private message me on facebook.
In the ways awesome will stefani thanks so much for being on the practice of the packing. [27:26] Music. [27:41] Stephanie thanks so much for being on the podcast and it’s so great to hear about people finding their specialty and how their marketing in their counseling private practice.
If you are thinking about planning starting a private practice or growing a private practice heading over to practiceofthepractice.com.
We have so many resources i’ve actually engaged with a number of new authors that have been blocking and practice of the practice and we’ve had almost daily articles coming out,
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Can you can check them out all the shoulders all the resources we talk to are gonna be over a practice of the practice that come ford slash session one sixty three.
Have a great week so let me in two years of the brain. [28:51] Music. [28:58] This podcast is designed right after thirty two information in regard to the subject matter covered is given with the understanding that,
either the host the publisher or get surrendering legally county clinic or other professional information in a professional. [29:10] Music.