Today we’re talking about failing forward with Jimmie Briggs. Despite his success, he too knows of and has experienced failure.
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In This Podcast:
Jimmie Briggs book titles:
- Innocents Lost When Child Soldiers Go To War
- Blood Work
As a society, we need to de-stigmatize failure. We need to learn to embrace failure and realise that failure is what leads to our success.
“To truly succeed and leave a lasting legacy, you need to be prepared to fail big”.
Look after yourself and always keep the bigger picture in mind.
Watch His Ted Talk Here:
Meet Jimmie Briggs
Through extensive travels to countries in Africa, the Middle East, and Asia, the St. Louis, Missouri-native, and a graduate of Morehouse College has produced seminal reporting on the lives of war-affected youth and children soldiers, as well as survivors of sexual violence. A National Magazine Award finalist and recipient of honours from the Open Society Institute, National Association of Black Journalists and the Carter Center for Mental Health Journalism, his book on child soldiers and war-affected children Innocents Lost: When Child Soldiers Go To War won him accolades in 2005, and took readers into the personal journeys of war-affected youth. Further, Briggs has served as an adjunct professor of investigative journalism at the New School for Social Research and was a George A. Miller Visiting Professor in the Department of African and African-American Studies at the University of Illinois: Champaign-Urbana. His upcoming book Blood Work narratively examines personal transformation and manhood through his own life and that of several recognizable figures from around the world.
For his work with Man Up Campaign and the issue of violence against women, Briggs was selected as the winner of the 2010 GQ Magazine “Better Men Better World” Search, as well as one of Women’s eNews’ 21 Leaders for the 21st Century in 2011.
Meet Joe Sanok
Joe Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC is one of the world’s leading private practice consultants. He is the owner of the Traverse City counseling practice, Mental Wellness Counseling. Joe helps counselors to start private practices and grow them.
Pop 165 | Failing Forward With Gq Better Man Jimmie Briggs[0:00] Music. [0:07] Yes practice and the practice podcast with joe sanok session number one sixty-five. [0:13] Music. [0:25] I really failed in high school. [0:29] I was in junior and senior asked me out to the city harkins dance and we went.
And we’re hanging out and we started dating and i couldn’t believe i was dating a senior in high school and i was just a junior. [0:46] And she wanted the one movie and so i went to the video store and i got the movie.
But the actual movie with out so i picked up a different movie that i thought it would be fun to see a picked up woody harrelson or what he woody harrelson natural born killers. [1:04] And we turned it off and the first couple minutes she didn’t like it and i was like a teen boy and i go to kiss her goodnight.
And she said this isn’t working and i said this kiss and she said no this whole relationship. [1:21] Today on the show we’re talking about feeling were talking feeling forward to talking about when you really really screw up and hopefully you learned something from it. [1:30] Our sponsor today is brighter vision who helps you avoid that feel your having a beautiful website brightervision.com/joe.
It’s the best place for fifteen bucks a month you can get all the web support all the tech support all the as ceo and a beautiful web savior counseling private practice so that you don’t have to fail in the things that you don’t need to. [1:55] Today’s gas i’m at the traverse city ted conference when he was doing his head talk,
his name’s jimmy briggs and he has done some amazing work over the past two decades jimmy has earned the reputation as a respected human rights advocate in the field of journalism.
He’s a lecture an educator at had speaker i have the book innocents lost when child soldiers go to war,
and his upcoming book blood work looks at the transformation from manhood and is on life,
as well as two thousand ten’s g q man for better man better world search as well one of,
women seem to is twenty one leaders in the twenty first century this guy has done it he’s amazing but he has failed.
So let’s start with a little bit from jimmy’s ted talk. [2:47] Music. [2:55] An audience for a topic i don’t wanna be speaking about today. [3:00] Is that under the spotlight with the recovery marks as my memory for very confident assured and again my talk. [3:09] But something happened after the third line of rows.
So jimmy starts over he takes a deep breath and starts the beginning.
Any freezes again and again and his failure keeps getting worse. [3:29] In that audience to have your number of journalists and bloggers and one of them actually what about if nothing post known her this evening but i was i was little nervous though scare to read it.
What the hell filter front of all seem because he read the piece not play the condemnation or judgement or humiliation but affirmation.
Maybe to some degree inspiration.
Here’s what jamie told me about that day start off by talk speaking about thirty years ago being on stage for an audience not to someone and give with the this morning and.
That’s what i was to get some years ago that should be familiar i start off talking about my rights appeared and practice.
It seems like you know multiple times am i on stage i froze not once not twice but three times a week and my talk.
Have a good beginning and prove that same point something tried.
And what could the moment to totally collapse and shirk away in and fill your feeling ashamed feeling overwhelmed x in the be the moment that was transformed because.
I know that at the booty out of my freezing in two minutes talk something amazing happens when i’m braced numbers the failure of.
My initial presentation of organize of the talk and the person because she be putting up to and both come on steve to join me.
Reset years and we did talk you guys pick me my points but a different way of running was difference in no competition with it. [5:04] I suppose this is what i should at present at that talking audience was my been dating about a year at that point and her standing up when i put in the front of me seeing me smiling at me pointing to me.
Along with working all the rest the audience and the organizer my coach. [5:25] Allow me to stumble feel for the way that i grew from it evolved from it.
Fast forward four years since that attempts to talk and last but the huffington post it after the contract,
when you talked about that in your talk was just like i couldn’t imagine you have this moment i hope only the people in this room are witnesses i can move back in well what happened with the huffington post article it wouldn’t let the dukes of years ago.
And the audience there happen to be a member to what people were carlos to a bloggers and the bloggers actually we’re both hoping post.
And lose i know so weeks later she got a piece about my performance or lack there of giving a talk on failure and so with peace kimono for sortable i was i was scared i was.
I was standing make coffee with some actually you know how to tell a story about my failure in such a public way to google my name so they gonna see us at him up yeah i mean i just,
do not forget your what state was what happen won’t stay the room right now and she’s gonna for that piece of info she took a lot of public.
But whatever it i reconsider the article every considered express the way because the article that you wrote about imposes not when those judge mental condemning or accumulating was one that.
Who is lee of running machine held the held me up the fact that milly high collapses in a frozen speaking about four years speaking about not.
But i am moving out to moving forward and herpes will auditory what about you know what she saw in a skirt if you will. [7:00] To stay in that space not to not to back away and not run from it but to stay there and push through was would it so whatever the pc enough about or bother them and now i talk about to celebrate and appreciate her for doing it yeah.
So then password you re living a pretty interesting life what people might call interesting than a lot of those things where,
maybe the direction i’m going to share a little bit about the party talk yeah going up in a group as a kid missouri in i would love action movie to,
action tv shows the lord of life heroes those actors were.
Recruit training and you’re going to was not that kid of a new at the bottom of the time swatch of the shows and movies as the in person and i wasn’t always and must there was a coffee that was and this guy keyboard dept,
what is the exact opposite of those because of their low books at a web inside my head introvert.
Is that going out of snow staying inside watching movies until appears to not turn up television but still in um in my head about my future munoz future do hood.
I don’t do those guys and so i chose a life from what mcpherson what it was a journalist mr jones but one who went to cover and documents places of crisis and conflict disaster.
And i thought that my being in those situations from i was realizing my fantasy of being a romantic hero and i think for time i was i was realizing that fantasy.
But what was happening was living out that fantasy.
And i was feeling another part of my life is being a president supporter partner has been to my wife and being a father who was nurturing who was visible know who. [8:40] Question took the time to investigate he could be ahead and my daughters growth and development so what handle succeeding professionals feeling personally.
Not at an interesting how you,
during that time frame that balance then a lot of people listening they may not have been working countries play they got businesses are growing their blog and doing all these things but then there your limited number of days so.
A during that time it was that like to figure out a balance me but i didn’t forget well because you know what was happening as i was going away i was traveling.
No i wasn’t there motion but i wasn’t there physically for some of the time and so i go away for a few weeks or sometimes months i come back physically.
But mentally emotionally and still be a place i just return from and i was good at present but not really and it took a toll on my marriage my wife and i have actually supported and divorced.
It’s a little from time my daughters early childhood because it now today is fast for fifteen years should be fifteen this july.
Yes she tells me you know looking back there certain points over to her childhood you know post infancy where i just wasn’t around for recitals birthday parties are you know i wasn’t around for the parent teacher meeting and you know i.
I know where can i think was happening the moment.
I realize that adjusts my priorities that yes it was not have fantasies are have dreams of one’s life could be a should be is fine but not expensive what i thought really mattered my responsibilities to my family. [10:14] So so then what happens when you know my wife and i didn’t make it you know when.
I am i thought i could do it but i could you know who we can go to the field so to speak and stop traveling so much stop focusing upright doesn’t work.
And when my daughter was born know the first humans were life i did you know it was a stay at home dad and brace domestic life. [10:42] If you call me back in so much start traveling again for months with the time and it was the breaking point for my marriage and my wife and i divorced.
Attitude take years of effort you know since you know the intentional effort to restore the bond with my daughter. [10:58] So then you shift and can’t leave the travel talk about how you did that because that’s a big shift he me i am.
Add a little over the phone was going to die doing frank with me joe’s forever and one thousand wasn’t it figured this is what i was doesn’t become this is was just be.
This piece i was destined to exist in and after about fifteen sixteen years.
You know what treatment you know for the sake of my family for the sake of my daughter it was too late for a marriage that was that was written part but.
So my daughter was in that time i wanted to hold her close.
At the same time and i want to honor my personal obligations and responsibilities i also want to honor the stories on the experience of people.
Could let me until as a journalist who the people who share their truth to share their travels with me and how i would do something with them that will pass the mom also user stores inspiration.
So i left journalism and love to start a nonprofit organization no experience no training in and starting a business as a nonprofit but the nonprofit was william my way of honoring my expenses the journals because the non-profit.
Resources today was meant to mobilize engaging people globally.
Male and female to address gender based violence and some girls so it was it was a vision i had.
After a particularly tracking collar with rick survivor of the condo i came back from a trip so that you know. [12:30] Have to leave journalism but i want i can’t leave her behind victory speaking.
And sorry that we know will along with the team of dedicated colleagues passion colleagues who invests in the same vision i had relaunched organization in two thousand ten that will convince of africa.
And you know it was it was great because you know wasn’t a journalist anymore but I was still you know for like a better phrase I was still at cure.
Still an action star in the new that retreat of myself because it has been about a panel discussions to conferences to as a guest speaker of the keynote speakers in class and universities.
Going to the windows four times,
do you have to have like a dream to like change the world the way note on certain nonprofit see you go from i’m no experience to be you and like what are some suggestions for people that want to start a nonprofit it into something global.
I think the first thing the first six people wanna start-up upper level regional or local but if there’s a global first thing is to research as much as possible.
What is you address me to have having a passion for an issue,
I wanted to do something that’s great and I a plot that it’s true that true that.
We wanna make sure that if you start an organization non-profit that would you starting actually has in.
Give me the lots of nonprofits out there maybe even too many nonprofits to be honest with you but if you going to start a nonprofit to address an issue of concern to yourself and others.
Reset it much can about what are the health care what would efforts what initiatives exist and find out where the gaps are because you are the wonderful gaps unit for the gas goes black from the gaps your ensuring that your for. [14:09] Has the chance on life. [14:11] So you can going full tilt with this non-profit and you get some recognition for so,
talk about the jeep to me i had the most that have been at once the most part i think.
What am the first it want a nonprofit it’s a year preparation and then it will year after year after washing profit.
Lots of attention lots of awards accolades are on our globally on our local yard international calls that states.
The common as in points on the magazine we are we should boating mechanism out chosen me as their man of the year two thousand ten.
Stop me in a MAG.
So my mother of missouri and do you able to look shoulder so to speak and talk to.
You know how to install it was mostly celebrities demi moore’s the can and.
Jimmy fallon others you know it we groups will trouble them and get them to budge with them and.
And then when time came up on stage and they and other celebs audience in a plot of the recognize my efforts.
It felt amazing about this is i’ve made it this is it.
But it was just it was just the tip Iceberg because.
You know after that happen with a week of that happening i stumbled feel the filter medically because i have not been taking care myself.
So say no to some things and just everything and it will always tired exhausted but it is not profit um i just push through with those sick with a medicaid and i was tired i would sleep and i couldn’t flights or trains from. [15:49] Or just the blessing that was required to have an aldi healthy and then you wake up and the hospital.
Yeah we got to the GQ Awards work by the hospital Intensive Care Unit my mom’s their my best friend High School is there.
My heart goes out she because you two words that was at a conference at the what the world bank in dc.
Ask.com and on the panel to come back home but continue to work on the train on my way to the train station um.
How to tighten that shows called from.
And they said you’re having a heart attack and I spent the next 3 or 4 days,
Intensive Care Unit fighting for my life is because they think I was going to make it. [16:36] So young and having all the sick kidney failure urc live who have anybody glad you made it yes that’s out so then you know you talk of feeling forward. [16:48] What kind of changes do you make after that they’ll maybe now still,
are the lights supposed to be here so you orange any of,
fujimi is that’s what’s a great question me I think you know whether it was.
No feeling for as a husband as a parent.
Someone failing and almost dying because of not taking care of my health.
Something fun because he was position which i envisioned.
No in a remote part of africa there early and maybe and realize that some of the with that my leadership because you know that my ego and.
Rich being a true leader stepping away from it I held on how long in Tyler actually if I got sick.
And so is the talk about something and going for talk about really transform yourself with each of these major failures after being sick and almost dying.
I spent four years on and can you dallas is only giving a kidney try.
This also be two years to have a transplant graduation added that too.
Clip in a colleague of mine was a journalist photographer.
He got tested everyone asking me so i’m here today but never but no these moments of feeling ford.
Transfer me and still transfer me because it is the meeting what much more humble whatever and run to take but also disability meet me appreciate. [18:20] The gift of being here the gift of having a family and in this on this october coming up to be with the one anniversary i got remarried.
Graduations min amazing woman who gave me the space encouragement to retrieve my narrative to.
To be here or at the start of the more realistic way that was not possible to be around me but in the philly parts critical because.
Now was for resisted fill your one from to be.
You know and by doing that a drawer lessons that have carried me through a muscular me to.
My total life Journey but it’s since this dissolution my first marriage and sin,
having a heart attack and can’t figure since we met reservation.
English park position started.
Call from the others mrs me it made me a better person more present friend a better partner,
bring H photo.
And um i think for your something we have to as a society just advertise ravishing you people are,
our stars to has a moment of silence what we should talk about because we’re fill your.
Just only increases the shame that the isolation we feel we can do it with it’s a small failure or larger one. [19:51] When I feel like if you’re not feeling you’re not trying hard enough I like you should like when you were a kid who can jump over that River without falling and you don’t like me wouldn’t care if like you couldn’t jump over the river or whatever like.
Can games are played in c missed mr basket we took all these risks as kids but now as adult so often we think we have to write the first time in a world as a lot of the text yesterday said.
It’s changed so rapidly that for us to learn like we have to give it a whirl and if we’re scared of failure it’s like he just can’t change and adapt to this world me to succeed and to retrieve to succeed.
To truly have a lasting legacy lasting impact you have to you have to be willing to fill the,
yeah you know because it without feeling big you can see to see big you can have the legacy that we all we all,
path results from their families their loved ones are in a large house so how do you like what’s the real them all of your month or your week now that,
how to find that balance but also I mean clearly you’re a high achievers you want to like change the world that’s good,
sing that you want to encourage but also you don’t want everything to fall apart as a result it like how do you find that balance. [20:59] What a week now it’s easy because now you have a woman who truly is full life partner with me and i have a daughter who.
As for forgiving me for my mistakes and fills with her earlier but and now it.
What is connected to a plexus overhead that helps alot but i think we’re the main things you know the part of my daily routine if you will just,
appreciating one been here being alive because i was was almost to pushing being here in this world but also.
Realizing that do i need to do to take care of myself because i cant particular myself emotionally physically and from your consciously.
No thinking about my ego High moving to the world High navigate my relationships that day that week that month that year.
I’m susceptible to feeling again but this time i really and not recover from and not getting back up and i’m looking for.
So I was just always just super self-aware of you know this is situation where,
likely to fail but have to get through it that mean for it.
But also really moving up moving in the raw with humility with it with it without my ego and shooting too much in the decisions I make it home gauge with people if they that does happen learning fun.
It sounds like a lot of mine second self talk late just not letting your ego xp,
you have a failures they’re all connected and know that the food the food here with my religion my first marriage and with my daughters early or childhood is connected to. [22:29] My getting sick so we’ll just later text number to my leaving the organization I should which I helped co-found in a feeling demoralize feeling like.
You know the saying really yeah like a fake that’s all connected and being with but it will this be a possible connections.
They also hold them and keep on it for them it’s a continue with me what happened 5 6 7 10 years ago.
Willits what’s happening today was going to happen tomorrow just seeing the big always keeping the bigger picture in front of me,
get you said that being a fake I think that’s one of the most common questions I get from people is that how do you stop feeling like a fake or an imposter.
So how do you set yourself and get out of ten stage to it’s not figures of like what am i doing here like how do you fight that.
I think the biggest thing one is just recognizably.
Are we miss you speak to someone some like you just really really kind of increasing the humility of my life and.
What i don’t know what happened and also just you know,
just putting out there not speaking from a place of authenticity your,
we got minutes before place where my foot person but just stepping onto the light into away from the darkness and saying this is who i am and you know the stakes cars.
What is the law and i think you’ll be able to ship authentic link that people recognize the recognize himself with the new whatever weaknesses or shortcomings are,
heart mistakes or failures you carry with you. [24:03] Yeah we see we see the,
and then it’s a lot easier because so much easier to talk about the year with my family can be among people like today hard to admit that life.
Yeah so jimmy of every counselor in the world were listening right now what would you want to know. [24:26] I think i think we’ll somewhere where we want to know but fill your.
Filter that be something that you provoke shame the person who feels that.
It can feel you can be traumatizing as we all know from childhood to adulthood but you know I think along people.
What is it that a kind of a counselor of people we have in our everyday lives alone.
To fill the for an emotion that failure and the moving forward things the best notice. [25:03] To have their worries and stresses about a failure weekly withhold from them that much more difficult to let go.
Awesome the gym briggs will definitely keep in touch this has been great interviewing you i’ll have,
link to get out of the gym if any of you want to schedule and be a speaker around the show announces well i will have his ted talk,
there for you guys,
thank you so much for being on the show thank you appreciated. [25:25] Music. [25:35] So often we think that we have to do things perfect the first time with the polish that,
or before we turn and ahold educational career we’ve been told.
Do it right the first time his final exam is right and wrong but there is nothing that happens in business is not the thing that helps is to be successful.
Just the other day my 5-year old was playing with some blocks in our living room and she had a vision for what she wanted to make and it was beyond her abilities.
And i just kept telling her just observe what’s happening,
and then id her quietly say to ourself observe and adjust and she took three deep breaths and she kept at it and think it taking over.
It just kept observing and adjust,
killed which is trying to bill because he side as a process as an experiment.
And is failing forward to create something better than she could’ve if she just did what she knew she could be perfect and so in your private practice me you a,
go forth until forward me you go and try new thing,
learn in the process and adjust and observe and just and observe.
Because when you do that you’re going to be able to go to new heights that you couldn’t have if you just kept that perk for perfectionistic mindset. [26:57] Pussy how you can screw that up now you can edit that out I just failed forward boom like that.
So if you want to have a beautiful website head over to brightervision.com/joe and you get an extra month free,
so i’m fifteen bucks a month for an amazing website that can attract your ideal client you’re gonna just let me using your community is gbrightervision.com/joe,
thanks for letting me in two years and into your brain you guys are,
absolutely amazing. [27:30] Music. [27:36] Special thanks in advance ounces sexy in this podcast is designed right after the thirty of information in order to the subject matter covered given,
i understand that the guest host for the publisher from entering the cutting clinic or other professional information new professional to find one.