The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in any Relationship with John Howard | POP 696

A photo of John Howard is captured. John Howard is featured on Practice of the Practice, a therapist podcast.

Why should couples talk less and touch more? How has new neuroscience research changed standard couple’s therapy? How is solely using logical communication potentially harmful to the relationship?

In this podcast episode, Joe Sanok speaks with John Howard about his book More Than Words.

Podcast Sponsor: Brighter Vision

An image of Brighter Vision Web Solutions is featured as the sponsor on Faith in Practice Podcast, a therapist podcast. Brighter Vision builds all in one websites for therapists.

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Meet John Howard

A photo of John Howard is captured. He is a therapist and CEO at PRESENCE, as well as a podcast host and author. John is featured on the Practice of the Practice, a therapist podcast.John Howard is an internationally-recognized therapist, wellness expert, and educator who uses the latest science to help couples have stronger relationships. He is the CEO of PRESENCE, a wellness center in Austin, TX dedicated to helping people achieve optimal physical, mental, and relationship health.

John is the host of The John Howard Show, a wellness podcast, and the creator of the Ready Set Love® series of online programs for couples. He is also the author of More than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in any Relationship — listeners who order the book will receive a free chapter on attachment theory.

Visit John Howard’s website and see also the PRESENCE website.

Connect with John on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

In This Podcast

  • About More Than Words
  • Talk less, touch more
  • Contested couple’s therapy strategies
  • John’s advice to private practitioners

About More Than Words

The book More Than Words shares the latest scientific discoveries about connection and relationships with the general public.

This powerful information about how to promote connection in any relationship hasn’t made its way to the public enough … what I have put in the book are the very latest approaches based on neuroscience and modern attachment theory when it comes to promoting connection. (John Howard)

The brain is primarily looking for a sense of safety and security when it is around other people. Once the brain feels safe, it creates a connection, and the pathways of relationships open up.

However, if people do not feel emotionally safe with one another the connection closes, and verbal communication becomes difficult.

How do you create a deep level connection, nervous system to nervous system, that promotes the goodwill that you need? That’s the first point of the book. (John Howard)

The second aim of the book is to share this information with a more diverse range of couples and include different types of love and connection into the bigger conversations around relationship health.

Talk less, touch more

The current culture prioritizes logical communication over emotional communication, and this can lead to some issues.

The brain and the nervous system want to feel safe with someone. That safety cannot be achieved through communication alone. It also needs touch, quality time, and nervous system regulation.

The research is clear that if we talk a little less and touch a little more, we can communicate directly to the subconscious [that], “I care about you, I’m here, I love you, I’m paying attention to you”. (John Howard)

People might not use those words because they feel awkward, but taking the time to be fully present, slow down, and be in the moment with your partner can create that co-nervous system regulation as well as a sense of mutual safety.

The research shows that connection is not a function of time [spent]. It’s much more a function of how present we are in the moment with each other. (John Howard)

Contested couple’s therapy strategies

Neuroscience has changed couple’s therapy, and some of the older therapeutic strategies have gone scientifically “out of date”.

The old style of couple’s therapy where you talk about your problems and then the therapist sends you home with some stuff to practice is not ideal in terms of shifting automatic behavior. (John Howard)

Modern couple’s therapy has become more experiential through neuroscience.

This means that couples are taught how to care for one another while dealing with conflict, using their body language, warming their tone of voice, and regulating their nervous systems together instead of remaining distant and detached.

John’s advice to private practitioners

In graduate school, people are taught theoretical orientations separately from neuroscience findings.

Now we understand that there is an intersection between physical and mental wellness, so consider an integrated and comprehensive treatment plan.

Books mentioned in this episode:

Useful Links mentioned in this episode:

Check out these additional resources:

Meet Joe Sanok

A photo of Joe Sanok is displayed. Joe, private practice consultant, offers helpful advice for group practice owners to grow their private practice. His therapist podcast, Practice of the Practice, offers this advice.

Joe Sanok helps counselors to create thriving practices that are the envy of other counselors. He has helped counselors to grow their businesses by 50-500% and is proud of all the private practice owners that are growing their income, influence, and impact on the world. Click here to explore consulting with Joe.

Thanks For Listening!

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